Just a few more thoughts on the weekend in Pohang with MyeongHee’s family.

When MH comes over to my house, she often makes dinner. She’s a good cook. At first, she wanted to clean up after, but I said that in America we share duties and if she cooks I’ll clean and vice versa. She’s gotten somewhat comfortable with the dual roles and while she’ll let me wash the dishes, she’s apt to help by piling up the dishes on the table and covering up the tupperware leftovers. She hasn’t quite gotten to the point of simply getting up and moving to the living room while I clean. But she’s getting there.

Not so at her mother’s home.  Women cook and clean. Men eat after the table has been set  and after they’ve eaten simply lean back and talk or go out and smoke. The kids simply got up and went back to watch TV. MyeongHee’s sisters-in-law did the brunt of the work. It seems that taking care of the man AND his family is the role women in Korea have been given. Even MyeongHee seemed to change a little, asking if I wanted this or that and then bringing me whatever is it. Coffee (instant in most Korean homes) was brought out to me on a tray. If I was hungry, something would be placed before me. And not just MH, but her sisters-in-law as well. Twice they brought me things to eat and drink. If their husbands asked, it was immediately done.

It’s hard to gauge whether they feel the imbalance. I detected no  underlying sense of unfairness. I saw no one roll their eyes or sigh with exasperation at the men’s lack of help. It’s just Korean style.

When Mark was here, he said it eloquently. He said its just that men and women have their own roles and its not a sexist thing; men have their duties, and women have theirs. Each acquiesces to their lot in life without quarrel.

That’s not to say that all people feel that way. The teachers I work with have advanced degrees in English and thus have been exposed to far more western ways. They expressed some sense of unfairness about the women’s roles and  have in the past rebelled in their own homes. It seems to be a matter of awareness that determines behavior.  The ones who don’t have as much insight into western, particular American, culture are content to carry on serving and cleaning up after their men.

I grew, at least in my early years, up in the era when women stayed home and men worked. By the time I reached my teenage years, however, mom (and many others like her) worked and women’s demand for careers skyrocketed in the 70s. Feminism took root and grew. Men my age don’t know sometimes whether to pay on a date or go dutch, open a door or let her do it herself. Life switched on us in the middle.

It’s interesting to consider  where Korea is now and whether the boys I teach today will be like I am now. The girls I teach want careers and don’t expect to feed and clean up after their men. When I ask the boys, they expect their women not to work and to be served and cleaned up after.

We’ll see who wins.