I stopped being surprised by Korean customs a long time ago. I wasn’t, therefore, alarmed to discover another custom that was brought to my attention this Chuseok. That’s the concept of pocket money. All of the kids in the family expect to get some amount of pocket money from the older relatives during major holidays. Same as in the US, the notion of “kids” is anyone in high school or below. I was told that a decent amount of $20 or 30 each. There were three of them, so I dropped the equivalent of $90. I’ll end up doing this at Lunar New Year as well.
MyeongHee informed me of another custom in Korea that (somehow) was never divulged in the dating process. Pocket money extends to retired parents, too. But it’s not just at Chuseok or other significant holidays. I am expected to give her mother pocket money every time she visits our home. Not just $20 or 30, though, as $100 or $150 is a normal amount to give a Zang-Mo-Nim, as mother-in-laws are called here.

It might be prudent to switch currencies if I’m to give away so much money. I doubt if very many folks back home have kept up with the value of the US Dollar versus foreign currencies. When I first came to Korea in 2004, a dollar was worth almost 1200 Won.  These days, a dollar is only about 920 Won – a 25% drop in value. If I switch to give away dollars, it’ll cost me less.  Always looking for an edge 🙂

First, I have to say that although I was somewhat prepared and understood some of the symbolism, I was still surprised. Sometimes pleasantly, sometimes not. Some things were traditions that I wish we as Americans had more like. Our traditions for thanksgiving are that we all get together and eat a lot. End of tradition. Their’s is more of an actual ceremony. Some things, however, I wasn’t so enamored of.

First, we got up at 5:30am for the ceremony. There’s something about an early morning service that they like. The rising sun, always perpendicular to the table set with traditional foods was a beautiful sight. The table is arranged with strict rules according to meats and fishes, grains and fruits and even the color of each. Below, MyeongHee’s two brothers are dressed in their best suits as they make the final arrangements on the table prior to the ceremony.

They spent several minutes fussing over what is placed where in which of the rows and which is more north or south of the other. Fruit is only partially peeled, both to make stacking easier and to keep the colors. Once they had the way they wanted, the actual ceremony began. The older brother kneeled while the younger brother poured cups of rice wine and lit incense. They then bowed according to traditions – two nose touches and one head nod.

Afterwards, they rearranged some of the food. Rice was placed in a dish and a spoon and chopsticks were laid out. We waited a short time while the “spirits” availed themselves of the food prepared for them.  Then everyone took turns bowing similarly with two floor touches and one nod. Then, they brought the table forward and the men each took two or three bites of food along with a cup of wine. The Women were offered food, but none took any that I saw.

Then the surprising thing happened. This wonderful table, set with beautiful dishes and colorful foods was put away.  The table was put up, the screen behind it stored and the food placed back in storage and the dishes put back in their boxes. With only a few bites of food and cup of wine at 6:00am and I was wondering how we’d spend the rest of the day. It didn’t take long to learn.

Like many hometowns, there’s relatives on every corner. MyeongHee’s uncle lived just around the corner and all went over to his house where they conducted the same ceremony all over again. The men fussed over the placement, bowed, poured cups of wine, placed food and chopsticks out for the spirits, bowed again, ate a bite or two and then they put it all away. They did, however, make another table for us for breakfast with different food: soup, rice and kimchee. Breakfast of champions, without a doubt.

I took this picture of MyeongHee’s little brother as we walked to the uncle’s house. The sun was just coming up and we walked along the sea wall, not more than 20 meters from her mother’s home. With hardly a cloud in the sky that morning, it was too bright for a straight shot. So I stood in the shadow of another home to catch him admiring the fabulous sunrise as we walked. Of the two brothers, I liked this one tremendously.

Once we finished breakfast, we headed west to the other side of Pohang to one of the national military cemetaries. MH’s father died in a boating accident in 2005 but he was in the Army during the Korean war and was buried with full honors.  The sun was bright and the air warm among the hundreds of headstones in this mountain top  memorial grounds. Clouds rolled over the tops of nearby mountains to our north only to quickly burn off in the sun. This little girl, dressed in a traditional han-bok dress  played among the markers while her family ate a meal at their loved one’s headstone.

The brothers again brought out the fine dishes and food and placed it on their father’s headstone. Again, they pour cups of rice wine, piled up heaps of food and bowed. We all did. They even lit a cigarette for the old man and let it burn while we all ate a few bites of food. When the cigarette was done, so was the meal and they packed it all back up again. Having just had our rice, soup and kimchee, none of us was very hungry again anyway. Most of the food on the ceremonial tables never made it to the lunch or dinner tables the rest of the time we were at her mother’s house. I saw a lot of get packed up and taken to her brothers homes. I got some to take home, too. We ate some of the fruit and fish there, but a lot of the food on the table I never saw again.

No one seemed sad in this second ceremony for the dead father. In fact, most of the family still smiled, laughed and was having a good time at this ceremony, despite a few loving touches of the father’s headstone.

Meanwhile, another family was having a more difficult Chusoek holiday. They were burying a loved one, forever marking this day as the day so-and-so  was buried. Priests and/or monks are dressed in chrysanthemum yellow for the dead.

Back home at her mother’s house, I had time to explore and play a bit. She lives in a small village in the extreme southern end of Pohang on the coast of the East Sea. The houses, some new, some old, were mostly the old style traditional Korean homes with sloping roofs. Her mom’s house is a simple three rooms and six walls, with a bathroom tacked on in later years. The space between buildings was too tight for a picture of her house close up, so I took this shot from near the sea wall. Her house is the green roofed building. In between is the ruins of what once was a barbershop. Notice how wires just criss-cross any which way. No code, no regulations.

The neighbors are mostly old folks, the younger ones having moved to the city for jobs unless they’ve taken over the fishing business for the fathers. Those who I ran into, I cordially bowed and gave them an “Ahn-yeong-ha-sey-yo” greeting. Later that proved to be a bonus. The neighbors all know each other and word quickly spread who the new “waygook” (foreigner) was. MyeongHee’s mom took in double points for having both a polite son-in-law as well as a waygook son-in-law. She told the family what the neighbors said and my stature with her older brother rose a few notches. He wasn’t keen on having a waygook brother in law but he warmed up.

The women folk aren’t too jazzed about these holidays. They spend days cooking beforehand and always cleaning after. The men wait to be fed and then smoke or drink after meals while the women clean.  I cleared the table once to the astonishment of the women and earned myself a few more points. I explained that it was American style that if one cooks the other cleans. They liked that idea. It’s not hard to impress these people.

Below is the front gate, where I banged my head several times going in and out of the place. It’s just a little too small for most foreigners. My new niece, Min Gyung, fits barely herself. Below is her little brother, Cheng Hyun and MyeongHee’s son, my new step-son, Dong Hyun.

I’m sure it worries my own children to have me write about new step-sons, nieces and nephews.  I hope they don’t. I hope they understand that adding to a family doesn’t subtract from the existing family members. Its the same as when their mother remarried and had more kids. She loves her two new children as much as she does our two.  So it is with me as well. I love my own children very much. There’s plenty of love to go around.

After spending two days in Pohang at MyeongHee’s mother’s house I was more than ready to come home. Not because of the food, the soon-to-be in-laws, or the ceremonies. Just to sit in a goddamned chair again. While many Koreans have modern homes with all the accoutrement’s of the western world, her mother isn’t one of them. Her home is a traditional house with not a stick of furniture to sit on. Only short tables to eat from and several armoires to hold the many pads, blankets and pillows used as beds. Although only a small 3-room house, nine people fit well for sleeping since we all slept on the floor. I’m more than ready to relax on my sofa and then sack out on my bed.

Moreover, I’m ready to have some fiber back in my diet. White rice, a staple of Korean meals, isn’t terribly rich in fiber. I eat lots of veggies usually, but for Chuseok/Thanksgiving, there were lots of meats, fish and rice. I feel like I could crap one huge rice turd. Sorry for the plain talk, but it’s whats on my mind.

I’ll have much more to write tomorrow, with some interesting pictures to go along with it. The ceremonies were quite a thing. I just want to relax on some cushions for a few hours. My ass hurts.

This is the new suit MyeongHee bought for visiting her family during Thanksgiving. Not bad for an old dude, huh? My dog is equally dressed out on her handkerchief collar. We’ll leave Monday evening and arrive that night in Pohang. Ceremonies, both Thanksgiving and memorial for her deceased father, will be that morning. I’ll be doing traditional bowing like the rest of the family.

More news later as it happens.

I purposely didn’t respond to Peggy and Jessie’s comments on my Thanksgiving trip. It just ain’t something that belongs buried on page two of the daily news. This is something that should be headlines, above the fold, in bold print.

So, here it, folks. The big news:

I’m Getting Married

Both Peggy and Jessie are correct: meeting the family isn’t done in Korea unless its serious. And it is. Probably not a huge surprise to most readers. I dated plenty of women since I got divorced in 2001 and while many of them are great women, have wonderful talents and multiple assets, none measure up to MyeongHee. She’s a fabulous woman and I love her.

We don’t know when. We haven’t set a date. There won’t be any ceremony, other than a civil signing at city hall. She’s been married before, too, so neither of us need the big deal wedding and party and blah blah blah. We’ll wait until the home she’s living in gets sold, which is uncertain. I explained, way back in March, about the concept of “key money” here in Korea. Essentially, she’s put up around $40K to live in her house for a set period of time. When she moves, she’s supposed to get it back. The landlord was supposed to make his profit by investing it. However, he not only doesn’t have her money, but owes his bank additional money, so they’re taking the house and auctioning it. After the bank gets their money, she might get some of her $40K. We just don’t know when that will be, so we haven’t made any official announcements. When it happens, she’ll live here with me in Cheonsang. Her son, who is 15, will live here, too. We’ll build a bedroom for him.

So, having written all that, I’m sure there are questions people have. I’ll answer the big ones I expect here:

• Will we stay in Korea forever? – No. We expect to come to America. No time frame. Her family has been briefed that she may eventually live in the US and they are happy for her.
• Will we have kids? – Oh heavens, no! (But if we did, they’d be cute!)
• Will I adopt her son? No, he’s a big boy. He’ll be in high school in January, so he’ll be in school nearly all day – 12+ hours. We won’t see him much.
• Will I come back to America for a visit? Yes, I hope to come back for a couple of weeks in early 2008.
• What so damn great about Korea anyway? Why am I here for so long? That’s back in the archives, too.

Got more questions? Fire away!

Next week is Thanksgiving holiday here in Korea. Pretty much the big deal it is here as it is back in the US. Families travel from all over to see each other, eat lots of food, drink and whatever else comes up.  I’ll be doing that in Pohang this  year. I plan on traveling to Pohang, an hour or so up the east coast from here, to be with MyeongHee’s family. I hope to have some good photos of what a traditional “Chuseok” holiday and home looks like. MyeongHee’s mother lives in an old style home right on the coast. While I have been in several homes other than my own here, all of them have been the fairly modern villas or high rise apartments.

MyeongHee bought me a new suit to wear for the occasion. While I brought a suit from home, it’s a little too western for her. To impress her family and friends I haven’t met, she wants me to look my best. It’s getting tailored now, so when it comes back, I’ll post a few pictures of me looking swank and suave in Korean style.

At school, the 6th graders are all out on school sponsored camping trips this week. My evenings are pretty quiet. I still have classes, but only a few students in some of them.  Last night I had two classes with only two students each. Tonight, I even get a break as one class of entirely 6th graders will be empty.   It’s kind of disappointing, because those kids have the best English and are a lot of fun. Once they get into middle school, the schedule and coursework turns them into walking zombies. Most of my middle school students are dull, don’t speak unless asked very specific questions and then provide minimal responses. I’ll be happy to have full classes later this week.

It’s been raining lightly since Friday, but today (Sunday) it’s a been a real frog strangler. Beginning this morning, Typhoon ?? (Na Ri) has been wreaking a little havoc here. It’s not a huge storm, but its still a storm. There’s been a few periods of calm today, but the rain was so heavy at times that watching TV was simply out of the question for the noise. It’s been raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock. The wind has been really gusty and I’ve seen more than a few umbrellas twisted out of shape. I’ll just hunker down and wait this one out.

These dogs I saw in a local vet’s shop, groomed and dyed. Typical Korean decorations for a typical Korean dog. They were looking outside the shop at my dog, who could only bark in disdain at their foo-foo hair jobs. I can’t come up with any better words than my dog did for this trio.

Saturday was a fabulous weather day. I was planning on teaching some private lessons, but those got canceled at the last minute. So, with nothing planned for the day I decided to take SaTang to Ulsan Grand Park and play a little. The park is very large (almost 900 acres – no Central Park, but large enough for a city of 1 million) and is filled with people riding bikes, skating, strolling and playing. I took a ball and found a quiet grassy area where I could take off SaTang’s leash and let her run. I soon had a crowd of Koreans watching and snapping pictures of my dog playing fetch. I let some of the kids watching throw the ball and decided to snap some shots myself. She was running so fast that I actually got her making two different trips on the same exposure.

She was the perfect pal. She was very good with all the kids who wanted throw the ball with her. If they were afraid (quite common – Koreans don’t have all that many dogs) and acted as if they didn’t want to take the ball from her mouth, she’d drop it and then nudge it towards them as if to say “here, just take it – I don’t bite.” Apparently, playing fetch is not a typical activity. Many of the Koreans seemed amazed that the dog was smart enough to chase the ball and bring it back.

I’m trying now to teach her how to bow, like Koreans do when they great each other. If playing fetch is amazing, a dog that bows should get me on whatever show is the equivalent of Letterman’s Stupid Pet Tricks.

Sunday, I had planned a trip down to Busan for a day of climbing. There are supposedly a couple of climbing areas on My GeumJeung, but we could only find one. We went there in April and found one of them, but the directions to the second wall was vague enough that we spent the afternoon hiking. My friends found one small spot with a single bolted route, but we never found the place that is rumored to have over 25 routes. I did get a couple of nice pictures of Busan from the mountain top. Below is a link to a large panoramic picture.

Geumjeongsan, Busan, South Korea

Click on the thumbnail above to get the full picture. In the center of the picture, there are several people standing on a boulder overlooking Busan, which sits in a valley between two mountain ranges. These people make for a nice perspective scale of the view. On the left, looking north, north-east, the city begins its sprawl. On the far right is the East Sea (or Sea of Japan, depending on whose map you look at.) To the right of the boulders in the center of the picture, the remnants of the fortress wall built in the 1600s are clearly visible. After having been invaded by both the Chinese in the 1500s and the Japanese in the 1600s, the Koreans decided some national defenses were in need. They built a fortress (destroyed again by the Japanese in the 1910-1945 invasion) and wall that runs along the top of the mountain for nearly 17km. It’s no small wonder they refuse to call the East Sea the “Sea of Japan,” which is what most other maps refer to the body water between the Korean peninsula and the Japanese Islands.

On the mountain, SaTang was again the perfect pet. She kept up with me as we hiked around. If she got too far ahead, she turn around and wait with a “hurry up, old man,” look on her face. If I got too far ahead of her, a short whistle and she’d come running.  If we happened across some Koreans having a picnic, she’d politely inquire if there were any snacks to be had, but would happily come running back to me if they didn’t want her there. It was about a 50/50 split, so I couldn’t blame her for trying. Once some of them gave her a bite, she had to try them all.

The sun finally showed itself today. It’s been raining for two weeks straight.  Late summer is typically the rainy season here, so that isn’t surprising for the Koreans. Just about the time I started bitching about how hot it was, the rains came. Maybe if I bitch about that rain, fall will arrive. Fall is warm and dry with cool nights. I look forward to its coming.

I’m planning a climbing excursion this weekend down in Busan. First time its been decent enough to get out for a couple of weeks.

Some places have concrete lions to watch the entrance to the buildings. Some people put out plaster garden gnomes. I have to be different, so I keep a live dog out front to watch my place.

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While I’m away from home SaTang usually camps out on the Veranda, watching people walk by. My veranda has a wide ledge she patrols back and forth as if she’s on guard duty. With the playground just across the street, there’s always plenty to look at. Although sometimes she barks, she mostly just keeps watch. I came home from a little shopping trip today and, while walking back home across the playground, spied my watchtower guard, faithfully keeping an eye on my home from above.

Another lot goes under here in Cheonsang. They started early this morning clearing away the junk from a lot that has not been in use since I arrived in January. When I was last here in 2005, it was a play area with a set of four trampolines set up for kids. They would come and play in the afternoon after school and jump around for hours. They’ve apparently sold it and will build another building immediately behind me. Zoning laws don’t seem to exist here, so there’s no telling what they’ll put there. Luckily, there isn’t room for anything truly massive.

Other than the garden directly east of me, there are scant few lots left in this neighborhood. There’s another unused trampoline lot two doors down, and that will probably go soon. After they’re gone, they’ll have to start tearing up what little farmland is left deeper into the valley west of us.

I used to be amazed at Dallas and how the place had grown so massively since we moved there in 1975. Back then, Plano was the end of the world and there was still a few miles of pasture between there and Richardson. The pace that Ulsan in general is growing is even faster. Partly due to the speed at which they slap them up and partly due to lack of zoning, inspections, etc.

The city seems to have little control on how and where things get built. In the building across the street, I’ve watched them tear up the same patch of street three times, each time digging up the tar and concrete and patching back over it, usually haphazardly. The first time was for water into the yoga building. The second was for gas. the third time was to install a speed bump and no-parking guards for the playground. It’s no wonder the roads in the neighborhoods are bumpy and uneven.

I’m a little split on which model of civic control is better between Korea and US. Here, there’s almost no control on building, zoning and public roads (at least here in the neighborhoods, off the main thoroughfares). It’s perfectly acceptable to set up a tent and offer food from a stall, even if you somewhat block traffic. Don’t even think about food inspectors for these guys. In the US, its regulations out the wazoo, inspections and controls on who can actually perform the work and when. Try and bang the ground with your crane early in the morning in Plano like they do here and see how fast the police arrive to shut you down. It’s the difference between Cowboys and Indians shooting from the hip to build versus the bureaucracy of America where things run at a snail’s pace. The PGB turnpike is a good example. It was slated to be built way back in the 70’s and it’s still not complete. There’s probably a happy medium somewhere in all of this, but it’s neither here nor there.

Yesterday, the rain eased just enough for a stroll around Tongdosa Temple. This is one of Korea’s top three temples. Established in the 600’s, it is one of the oldest, but also best examples of Korean temples. The site is revered by Buddhists as it contains the actual robes of the Buddha. Therefore, according to their traditions, one who is ordained in Tongdosa is presumed to have been ordained by the Buddha himself.

They’re preparing to repaint this structure, so it’s missing the usual bright colors. This building dates from the 17th century and is the main temple. A number of smaller, lesser status temples (i.e. lesser Bodhissatvas or deities “reside” there) litter the site.

This stone stupa, set off from the temples, dates from the 1300s. Most temples have a large stupa in front, butTongdosa doesn’t. Instead, they have a place where they keep the relics of the THE Buddha. That was impressive.

Me, in front of  one of the smaller temples and a small reflecting pool. It’s only September 2nd when this shot was taken, but already its long shirt-sleeve weather. I don’t think summer is over here yet, but it was nice not to be sweating profusely outdoors for once. I love having Koreans try to pronounce the English name of the tree behind me. Crepe Myrtles are common in many gardens and native to Asia. It’s a hoot to hear them try that word.

This carving was in the museum on site.  It depicts the Buddhas and several other deities in various historical settings. It’s carved from a single log and folds up nicely, perfect for carry-on luggage. It reminded me of some of the things my father used to carve in wood.

I had neglected to check my camera batteries before leaving the house and they ran out before I’d seen all of the place. I missed getting pictures of some the trees.  The site has been there so long that some of the trees had wrapped themselves around boulders as they grew. Many had twisted, enlarged trunks that engulfed the stones while others had branches rejoin above the boulders forming ‘X” structures.

In the far corner of the temple grounds, was this prayer square. The idea is to pace the square, stopping at each of the four sides (all temples and adjoining structures are always aligned perfectly with east-west-north-south)  and offer prayers for the coming year. I paced it once, offering my own prayers in my own way to my own God.

Overall, what this place lacked in brightly colored temples, it made more than made up for in history. It difficult to imagine the number of lives lived in a place that has remained standing for nearly 1400 years.