Yes, you too can now become a full fledged Arab and speak fluent Arabic phrases such as Dirka Dirka! All it takes is a short beard, a dishdashi and associated head dress. Call now and you’ll receive the Authentic Arabic dishdashi and headgear PLUS an official CIA waterboarding kit!

You’ll be the life of the party as the only one officially dressed to be waterboarded. Your friends will be green with envy as you gasp for gulps of air between water dousings.

Buy two and you’ll receive a testicle electrocution kit, perfect for those late summer Abu Grab-ass parties, complete with battery, clamps with cruel teeth and a black hood.

Offer void in Guantanamo, Abu Ghraib, Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan. Water not included.

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That was my Halloween get-up. We had a couple of kids come dressed up (at my urgings) and the school was OK if I wanted to dress up. They gave each kid a fistful of hard candy but that was as much of a party as they felt comfortable, it being a Wednesday. A couple of the other academies had some type of party and my boss was thinking maybe he should have. A lot of the kids were bummed that we didn’t. Almost every class expected some special activity besides a few suck candies.

But it was fun to get into the spirit of things, if only for a little bit. It made me a little sad today, just thinking about how I’d spent years past during Halloweens. They don’t have many parties here. Seems like you could always find one back home on Halloween or just enjoy the trick or treating. Neither is done here and the kids don’t really have an idea of what they’re missing.

The kids all liked my costume, though, so that made it all better.

Geez, I sound like a drag queen. 🙂