It’s Official: We’re Married

May23rd, 2008, MyeongHee Kim and Martin J. Rehder were married.

I had brought my video camera hoping to catch some of the ceremony, but there wasn’t one. Not a hand was raised in oath, no vow was uttered nor a ring exchanged.  No one asked if either she or I would take this man or woman to have and to hold until death do we part. The Korean marriage is a civil service and it encompassed all the love and warmth of getting a driver’s license renewed. We didn’t even get a smile from the two ladies who handled the paperwork, except when they knocked over a small desktop calendar in passing paper back and forth.  Often, people in Korea have a ceremony with all the guests, cake, dress and so on, but they still must undergo the official bureaucratic nightmare to make it official.

Ours, in fact, was doubly bureaucratic as we had to jump hurdles for the American government and the Korean government in order for it to be recognized in both countries. A vital concern for when we come home to US one day. The US Embassy in Seoul was better than I expected and the Vice Consul was especially pleasant. Standard red-tape existed, meters of it, in fact, but at least they were pleasant.

I was very surprised at the Korean side of red-tape. As a grown woman of 42, MyeongHee must still get “permission” to wed. Apparently, women are not allowed to make those kinds of decisions alone. She needed to have her older brother (now the official head of the family after her father passed away in 2005) and her mother (evidently unable to approve alone.)  Well, we didn’t know that part so didn’t obtain their approvals before going. But we didn’t need to turn back home in order to get them. Koreans don’t sign anything – they use stamps with their names engraved in them. So, no problem, we went across the street from the city office and had a stamp made. Viola! Both brother and mother now “approve.”

After the red tape was completed, I signed my part and she stamped hers, we decided to see a little of Seoul. Just outside the heavily defended US Embassy there were plenty of people passing out fliers on the “dangers” of American beef and how Koreans should not only avoid it but impeach their president for trying to get it in country. I crumpled up several fliers handed to me and tossed them back. One old man tried to force another flier on us and got his hands spanked for it. Some fist shaking and middle finger waving later on and we were shopping the open markets. For a non-holiday workday it was amazing how many people were there. Throng isn’t the right word, horde doesn’t come close, but perhaps cloud or swarm might suffice.  Whether its shoes, clothes, bags, cooking utensils, meat, veggies or prepared food, its all there. Cheap, too. I found a pair of sandals and MyeongHee found a nice lace dress. She also picked up a blouse for her mother who is here for the weekend.

We started our day early to fly to Seoul so we made a quick exit and left the city around 2:30 by train. We were home by 8pm but too bushed to even properly celebrate our wedding night. Maybe after the mother-in-law leaves.

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